Tuesday, November 18, 2014

It's complicated

I am a spirit living as a woman living in a body living in 2014.  It's surreal.  I don't always understand it, know how to do it, nor have the words to describe it.  But I don't want to give it up.

It's crazy but it's mine.

Earlier today, the dog, confused about how to proceed because he could neither hear or see his people peed and poo-ed to excess in our hallway.  He just woke up, shook his collar, took a little walk around and decided huh, well no one is here to help me so I guess I better get this over with right HERE.


 You know, I wanted to get angry with him, I really did, but he's a dog, he's old and it's my responsibility to be there for him when I know he needs it.  Still, I didn't get to him in time and he walked through the nasty several times with an 'oh well' attitude.  I can't say I wasn't a little pissed and nauseated.  But ya know, a dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do.

I say this, not to highlight the fact that I am not a dog person (I'm not) nor that I am a bad dog mommy (the dog may agree with me on this last point). But  with some distance the episode, it did make me think about times in my life when I felt, HEY, I JUST GOTTA DO THIS!

Like said dog, I couldn't see my way forward, felt the urge to just let things rip and just to act out of panic and when I did, I simply made a big old mess. Sometimes someone was there, to clean up after me (like I did with my pooch today.)  But sometimes, it took me years to clean up my own excreta.  Years to fix stuff that could have turned out ok if I had just WAITED.

Humans may be animals but they are mostly capable of thinking beyond their immediate needs. They can do it so they SHOULD do it. I need to act more human like...and when I feel the need to relieve myself, be a bit more strategic about it.