Thursday, August 21, 2008

Another visit from the oversoul...

Hello my dear-
I know you feel passionate about this moment...about how it is stealing time away from you and in a way that is true because our imagination sometimes is as alive to us as "real" life but...in another way, and perhaps it is the better way of seeing it...in another way there is no stealing going on at all. There is just life for as long as it lasts, for as long as you are given it and what you do here, each day---this is your life. Of course, as humans we all want other things. We'd all prefer to let our inner puppy out to romp or sleep all day. And some get to do that. But some of us, people like you and me, we work for a living and for our retirement. We must plan and be diligent even as the dull thud of work against our soul threatens to render us somnambulant.

You must accept work for what it is...work. I'll say this again. You have to work. That's it. You must until you don't have to...and I'd say that was a good 7 to 10 years away. And let's be really clear...if you don't want your standard of living to be reduced too much, you have to work until at least 57. That's 11 (actually 10.78) years from now...so you must find a way to make that work. So start figuring out how you're going to do it.

One way is that you're not going to stay in this job the entire time. Start scoping out other jobs that aren't as demanding...make it work.
This is a race that's not even 3/4's over yet so YOU HAVE TO FIND YOUR SECOND WIND. And yes, you hate the fact that your work is so procedural...but you like it too. There is something in it that you can find to motivate you.

How can you find that wind? Strive to be timely. Work hard first and then play later. But do play. For example. Take all your breaks. Like now.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Chop my own wood and carry it too (it make sense when you read the end of the entry)

I talked to Mom last night and as she suspected, she's losing sight again in one of her eyes. Although surgery is an option, it was very traumatic news and brought up lots of memories about Dad. I felt very bad for her and also extremely thankful that my sister has returned and is there to be with her.

What's ironic:
  • When we were growing up, my sister was the queen of caustic. I cannot begin to count how many times G made Mom cry, lashed out, sought out her weak spot for sport, etc. Now, when Mom bemoans all of the tribulations of the present time, my sister says, "But I'm your blessing!" And damned if it isn't true.
  • My mother had 32 years of indulgent living. 32 years where my Dad made life heaven on earth for her. He's been gone 3 years now and Mom as taken to saying "I'm just over all this stuff. I'm tired of living." To which I reply "If you were on a plane tomorrow and it was going down, would you want to live?" Of course the answer is a meek "yes". It's that she's exhausted from how unfun this life patch is. She's mentally and physically drained by the effort it takes to steer her own boat. Once, whilst I was in university and working 3 jobs, I tried to explain it to her but it didn't compute. She could not remember that the simple act of living on your own could wear you down 'til you are a mere ghostly impression of your former self. I can relate to what she's feeling now and put my own hard times in perspective. Adversity can make us more resilient (now just to remember that lesson myself).
  • I recently returned from a reluctant trip to the wilderness. Although I protested loudly that "I don't do domestic travel or nature", I went and spent a fair amount of time trying to understand why everyone else was enjoying being outdoors so much. Physical exercise and spending time in the woods or near the mountains has never been part of my family's dance card. We are an indoor people. But Thoreau and Jack La Lane were not wrong. The natural beauty of the earth and the virtues of physical activity cannot be disputed. And they are valuable tools to fight the pulverizing blows of depression and hard times. And here's the final irony: I was able to vividly communicate this to Mom, having just arrived at these new revelations myself.